Heartbreaking Article

Reading about fallen soldiers always forces into my mind one of my favorite college professor's lecture which included how "almost an entire generation of young men of England" was wiped out by WWI.

This article by Christopher Hitchens ends with the following verse by "a young soldier from Irvine, California, named Mark Jennings Daily"

when I reread Mark's letters and poems and see that—as of course he would—he was magically able to find the noble element in all this, and take more comfort and inspiration from a few plain sentences uttered by a Kurdish man than from all the vapid speeches ever given. Orwell had the same experience when encountering a young volunteer in Barcelona, and realizing with a mixture of sadness and shock that for this kid all the tired old slogans about liberty and justice were actually real. He cursed his own cynicism and disillusionment when he wrote:

For the fly-blown words that make me spew
Still in his ears were holy,
And he was born knowing
what I had learned
Out of books and slowly.

However, after a few more verses about the lying and cruelty and stupidity that accompany war, he was still able to do justice to the young man:

But the thing I saw in your face
No power can disinherit:
No bomb that ever burst
Shatters the crystal spirit.
May it be so, then, and may death be not proud to have taken Mark Daily, whom I never knew but whom you now know, and—I hope—miss.

Earlier in the article Hitchens quotes Shakespeare:
Your son, my lord, has paid a soldier's debt;
He only lived but till he was a man;
The which no sooner had his prowess confirm'd
In the unshrinking station where he fought,
But like a man he died.

This being Shakespeare, the truly emotional and understated moment follows a beat or two later, when Ross adds:
Your cause of sorrow
Must not be measured
by his worth, for then
It hath no end.

Uneasiness

I've been trying to pinpoint when I first felt a sense of uneasiness.

It could have been that November night (or early morning) in 2000 when I was crying because GWB had been elected (horsepoo!) even though he was okay with signing off on the capital punishment of mentally retarded people (or developmentally delayed) in Texas.

It could be that awful, horrible, morning in September 2001. I feel like ever since then I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Or maybe when we were lied into an immoral war which has distracted us all from where we really should be focused.

It could be that awful day when in spite of how bad things were GWB was re-elected (can you be re-elected when you weren't elected in the first place?). I was upset when he first became president but after this business I have a physical reaction when I see those effing "W" car decals.

God, the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina (something I have from a few DAYS after)
MR. RUSSERT: Hold on. Hold on, sir. Shouldn't the mayor of New Orleans and the governor of New Orleans bear some responsibility? Couldn't they have been much more forceful, much more effective and much more organized in evacuating the area? MR. BROUSSARD: Sir, they were told like me, every single day, "The cavalry's coming," on a federal level, "The cavalry's coming, the cavalry's coming, the cavalry's coming." I have just begun to hear the hoofs of the cavalry. The cavalry's still not here yet, but I've begun to hear the hoofs, and we're almost a week out. Let me give you just three quick examples. We had Wal-Mart deliver three trucks of water, trailer trucks of water. FEMA turned them back. They said we didn't need them. This was a week ago. FEMA--we had 1,000 gallons of diesel fuel on a Coast Guard vessel docked in my parish. The Coast Guard said, "Come get the fuel right away." When we got there with our trucks, they got a word. "FEMA says don't give you the fuel." Yesterday--yesterday--FEMA comes in and cuts all of our emergency communication lines. They cut them without notice. Our sheriff, Harry Lee, goes back in, he reconnects the line. He posts armed guards on our line and says, "No one is getting near these lines." Sheriff Harry Lee said that if America--American government would have responded like Wal-Mart has responded, we wouldn't be in this crisis.

I know I felt uneasy when I found out one of the kids I knew was in Iraq. Then when my friend's son went to Iraq.

I don't know if uneasy is what I felt when I had to catch myself on the wall when the death toll of our soldiers in Iraq hit 3,000 (God Bless them and their families). Abject grief when the number hit 4,000 (God Bless them and their families).

I have felt uneasy for so long now I don't know if I'll recognize when it's gone. Will it just lift on January 20, 2009? Will it continue? I know I don't like it at all at all. {Sigh}

Alas, there is happiness in this world: Sweet Boy (when yelling as singing is still cute)

poltics leads to anguish

Okay, anguish is maybe a bit harsh. Whenever a political race, presidential in particular, rolls around those of us who identify as devoutly Catholic have a problem. As said in a previous post I classify myself as a Social Justice Catholic. Most of your run-of-the-mill Orthodox Catholics would say I was going to hell because I "vote pro-abortion".

The deal is that you must vote for the person who is Pro-Life because proportionally more people have died from abortions since legalization in 1973 (43 million) than any other reason (read Iraq War, Death Penalty, Poverty (hmmm), etc.) (will write more about Pro-Life another time).....

And so....according to many people I associate with (some because I like and some because of work) there is no reasonable reason that I should support Obama (my democrat of choice this year). So for the most part I keep my opinion to myself (I'm sure people who really know me know my choice). I've grown to resent the fact that I'm for all intents and purposes not able to be political but more conservative people can be. My train of thought is de-railing...I'll continue later.

oh good grief

I've been formulating a post for a while but I spent the weekend slightly obsessed with watching all the Pope's Visit video. A couple of things surprised me:

1. The absolute vitriol directed against Catholics. It's kind of scary. I was just so upset to see people holding up signs against priests. I even formulated an imaginary confrontation for if I ever run into protesters who paint all priests as "evil". Basically walking up and demanding, "How Dare You?!" How dare you slander all priests like that. There have been people shown to be lying about abuse. Seriously. So, that means we should look at all victims as liars. Right? Because by painting all priests as abusers/molesters that's what you'r saying. What a load of crap. I've known amazing priests who are so hurt by that kind of accusation.

Then of course, there are people who bring up the selling of indulgences, the inquisition, the crusades et al. , C'mon seriously??

2. Then there are the whiners on EWTN. God Bless Mother Angelica but really, does she need Raymond Arroyo (who I admit I am not a fan of) whining for her? Apparently Mr. Arroyo and his co-host priest (whose name escapes me) were informed that Tim Russert (NBC), and Wolf Blitzer, and John King (I think) of CNN were included in a 10 person audience with Pope BXVI and got blessed medals. Hey...uhm....Raymond and others if you're such good Catholics than you know:

Jealousy
Jealousy is here taken to be synonymous with envy. It is defined to be a sorrow which one entertains at another's well-being because of a view that one's own excellence is in consequence lessened. Its distinctive malice comes from the opposition it implies to the supreme virtue of charity. The law of love constrains us to rejoice rather than to be distressed at the good fortune of our neighbour. Besides, such an attitude is a direct contradiction of the spirit of solidarity which ought to characterize the human race and, especially, the members of the Christian community. The envious man tortures himself without cause, morbidly holding as he does, the success of another to constitute an evil for himself. The sin, in so far as it defies the great precept of charity, is in general grievous, although on account of the trifling matter involved, as well as because of the lack of deliberation, it is often reputed to be venial. Jealousy is most evil when one repines at another's spiritual good. It is then said to be a sin against the Holy Ghost. It is likewise called a capital sin because of the other vices it begets. Among its progeny St. Thomas (II-II:36) enumerates hatred, detraction, rejoicing over the misfortunes of one's fellow, and whispering. Regret at another's success is not always jealousy. The motive has to be scrutinized. If, for instance, I feel sorrow at the news of another's promotion or rise to wealth, either because I know that he does not deserve his accession of good fortune, or because I have founded reason to fear he will use it to injure me or others, my attitude, provided that there is no excess in my sentiment, is entirely rational. Then, too, it may happen that I do not, properly speaking, begrudge my neighbour his happier codition, but simply am grieved that I have not imitated him. Thus if the subject-matter be praiseworthy, I shall be not jealous but rather laudably emulous. Taken from here

So I very much enjoyed much of the Holy Father's homilies (even if I'm still not sure about him). I have great respect for an 81 year-old man who continues on with as packed a schedule as his was last week.

This was a bit longer than I anticipated. I'm going to watch my guy on The Daily Show and go to bed. I'll continue to formulate the post that I really want to put up.

Happy Happy Day!!

Today was a fantastic day. The weather here was spectacular. I hopped a ferry (boat) and spent the day downtown with my sis. Happiness is hoofin' it to the dock with "It's Raining Men" (redux) by Martha Wash and RuPaul.

I was going to talk about something today but can't remember what I was gonna talk about.

I watched Meeting David Wilson last night and the "conversation" afterward. The question that occurred to me was...Okay, conversation...how do I (middle class white girl) continue the conversation without being condescending?

Okay...walking around during a sunny day has made me tired and shortened my attention span. More during the week...definitely.

Random Blurbs

Don't really have a whole lot to say, am sleepy and looking forward (that's sarcasm) to a busy busy day tomorrow. That being said I want to get into the practice of writing a bit as often as I can.

I have been really concerned with the poor women and children that were taken from the FLDS compound in Texas this week. Someone I work with was saying, "How could these women live like this?" I pointed out that they had been socialized into this culture. Not to mention the fact that many of the women had apparently married as soon as they reached puberty. These men are sick sick puppies.

Last week, I watched this episode of Frontline and was sucked in within about 5 minutes. To the extent that SPOILER when the IED goes off under the truck in front of Sfc. Toby Nunn's {vehicle} I started praying. Out Loud. FERVENTLY.

Bad Voodoo's War re-ignited my interest in war stories. When I was younger I went through a phase where I read and watched every Vietnam story/show/movie I coud lay hands on.

I started at the Frontline Bad Voodoo site. That pointed me toward http://www.milblogging.com/ . Then I was pointed to http://gocomics.typepad.com/the_sandbox/ , Which led me to http://kaboomwarjournal.blogspot.com/ . Fabulous....now I have more addictions. Sigh. Next I'll be picking up nonfiction books about the war. Then....novels...it's gonna be a vicious circle.

After this I'll try to be more current....promise

Alrighty….I’ve stolen these from myself. Original in small font - current response not so small.

Thursday December 6
I was blown away by Barak's democratic convention speech in 2004 and have been a fan ever since. Something interesting.....the death toll when he gave that speech was 900 now we're at 2,920 with over 22,000 wounded. That f*cking sucks. And let me just say.... I was against it from the start.... I thought the reasons were fishy and fabricated. And hopefully the Military Commissions act (in fact the tossing out of habeas corpus) will not see me tossed into a prison since I'm against the war.

This was in response to an article about the early rivalry between Hillary C. and Barack. I’m still Barackin’ my vote. Then. A couple of weeks later:

Sunday, December 31, 2006
A sad, sad legacy...
Turned on the eleven o'clock news and was surprised by my reaction to the inevitable news that we finally broke 3,000.3,000 American Soldiers dead in Iraqwho knows how many in Afghanistanand let's not even consider all of the civilians who've died.
God. Rest. Them.
God. Forgive. Us.

Reading the above still makes me cry. See more about my response to the 3,000 in the following.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Watching Countdown on MSNBC (as I do often). Keith O. was speaking about how the Virginia Tech tragedy is so shocking but, young people with the same hopes and dreams are dying in Iraq and Afghanistan. SIGH. 32 American Soldiers have been killed in the last 3 days. One of the guests says something like, "We have become hardened to deaths in Afghanistan and Iraq." That statement fried my ass. How dare you? How dare you lump all of us together. I was against the war from the start. Against it. It's wrong. I'm a flag waiving patriotic girl, I love and respect anyone who volunteers to wear the uniform --I'm so scared for them (now I personally know two boys who have served or are serving in Iraq…I know, I know, they‘re in the army they aren‘t boys…but they‘re so much younger than me so they‘re definitely boys). Every time I hear/see that another soldier has died my heart breaks a little. I'm wrecked over Iraqis who die. I'm a wreck.
When the number of deaths hit 3,000 I almost hit the floor. Literally. I caught myself on the wall. I hate this.
We have not been hardened. ii I have not been hardened. I refuse to be hardened. ii I think we're all suffering from some form of PTSD. After September 11, we're all waiting for the other shoe to drop. I cry at the randomest things. I was always a crier....mushy stuff. But now. God. Everything about the war makes me cry.

So then we come to this past Easter weekend. Just before the weekend it was everywhere….how close we were to 4,000. I didn’t want it to happen (who did?) but I knew that it would. I was so scared every time I turned on the news I held my breath. Then at some point I signed on to the internet and my, “Oh. God.” scared my family. We’d hit 4,000.

It disgusts me to hear that people don’t even know the death toll (or at least a close number). I have a theory: Americans would sure as hell know the death toll if reporters could take pictures of the flag draped coffins hitting Dover AFB.

I am worried that I can’t adequately explain my seemingly illogical feelings about the war. I believe that the War in Iraq is wrong. I think we were lied into it. I think the administration and their cronies are guilty of dragging us in. (Just War Doctrine) TheWar in Afghanistan could possibly be justified.

All that being said --- I whole-heartedly support those serving overseas. I care deeply about everyone in the military -- and I have a special place in my heart for veterans. I am in awe of people who are willing to do something I don’t think I could.

It appears that it didn’t occur to the powers that be that there would be veterans to care for. Whatja think??? That they’d all come back unscathed….nice try. Remember: Walter Reed. For crying out loud the Department of Veterans Affairs hasn’t been funded well in years.

This post doesn’t flow very well. I’ll try to be more organized next time.

Not My Manifesto

My political biography (if you will)

I suppose I have to credit my 9th grade teacher. She required, as part of an Election Unit in 1988, that we work on a campaign of our choice. I can’t remember why I ‘liked the democrats best’ as a 14 year-old. I can’t remember disliking republicans (yet!). I chose to work on the SB Woo campaign for the US Senate. Looking back, it’s pretty funny; I know now that and understand why Woo had no chance. He was running against Bill Roth who was quite the entrenched incumbent. I remember my friend and I coming back from a lit. drop (handing out literature and stuffing it in doors) in the late afternoon and asking the campaign manager (as you do when you’re still a kid) if it was okay if we went to get lunch.
“You haven’t eaten?!?!” He exclaimed.
“uhm nooo,” we replied.
At which point he pulled out a twenty and told us there was a Roy Rogers around the corner.

We “dropped” soooo much lit. and we stapled so many yard signs. Going through old boxes I still find SB Woo for Senate pins.
We called people to tell them that Senator Ted Kennedy would be at a rally for Mr. Woo; and a sweet older lady said “Oh, dear, I’m sorry, {whispers} I haven’t voted for a democrat in years.”

We called people to “get out the vote” on election night. The best best best part of the whole experience (well, besides becoming a political junky) was that we (the kids who worked for the democrats) shocked the kids who worked for the other side because we were invited (cheerfully!) to the “victory” party. Even though our guy lost we had a blast. Probably most importantly, as High School Freshmen we felt like valued members of the team.

From that point on--I have been a fascinated political junky.

But wait! As I write this the flash comes to me…of sitting in a hotel room with the rest of my family in bed. I’ve got the t.v. turned away from the beds and the volume way way down and I’m watching the Democratic National Convention. I know that I watched both of them that summer (1988) but I can’t remember which was which.

I watch the State of the Union if I can (even if I end up talking to (okay arguing with) the t.v.). I watch debates ad nauseam (even the Republican ones for as long as I can).

There are basically two main reasons I will not vote for a Republican:
1. Government Shutdown 1995-6 ~ argue with me all you want. My perception at the time was that the Republicans were ultimately responsible for this fiasco. I had worked for the Feds the summers during my summer vacations all through College and had a lot of friends who were adversely affected by the Government shutdown which ultimately ended up costing more because people were paid back when they went back to work. On top of that it was the Republicans who were referring to “lazy government employees”. While I don’t deny that there are plenty of lazy people working in the government the vast majority of federal employees are trying to do their job to the best of their abilities. AND seriously… legislators calling people lazy??? {eyebrow raised high}

2. Calling “me” un-American. I admit that my loathing for Republicans was probably cooling down until the Village Idiot* moved into la Casa Blanca. I also had been saving my ire to direct at him. Then September 11 happened. {Moment of Silence} God Rest Them. I was as stunned as everyone else. Time passed and finally the Poo started rolling down hill and we ended up in a pre-emptive war. I know a lot of people say, “I told you so.” But I was against the war** from the start. What sickened me the most were the people who just blithely followed the Commander in Chief without question. What hurt me the most was that “they” (pundits and politicians and ignorami on the street) had the audacity (ha!) to call me unpatriotic for questioning the series of events.

Well bite me you jerks! I was right. And look where we are. {sigh} it makes me sad and mad to think about this. I wish I had been wrong.

Okay….my comfy bed is calling to me and I need some sleep. Next, I think we’ll talk about how my faith affects my political outlook. Slainte!

*I refer to the person not the office. I have the utmost respect for the Office. The current occupant deserves public flogging and if not…..impeachment…and since that won’t happen…maybe censure??

**Let’s get this straight right now. I distinguish between “the war” and “the soldiers”. God bless them and keep them. I admire the people who volunteer to serve so much and I care for each one, and my heart hurts whenever I hear of another death.

And Thus...It is started

So why this? Why now? Who do you think you are?

Here’s the deal….I very often find myself laying awake at night (especially those nights before I have to be somewhere or do something early ) thinking of any variety of things. Sometimes religion, sometimes politics, and sometimes other random relationship (or lack thereof) crap; keep my mind whirring. I am laying there staring at the reflection of the moon on my ceiling feeling the wheels turning and thinking…..seriously, I need to get to sleep. At some point I just give up and pull out a trashy novel (a topic for another day) and read until my eyes are heavy--which on occasion is 2:30am. Crap! I still have to get up and do whatever I was going to do at o-dark-thirty but…well…at least I got some reading done.
How does the above affect this blog? Well, the personal stuff I’ll bitch and moan about elsewhere. It really doesn’t merit much effort. Same stuff all the time and people wouldn’t bother to read this (if they do) if it was just a pity party. But then again thinking about some of the blogs I’ve gotten interested in….maybe they would…or…it’s just a car wreck that you can’t look away from even if you want to.
The political stuff. Oh yes. That’s what I envision talking about most. Some of it will be ranting….well because I like to rant and I’m tired of SisterDubh just rolling her eyes and humoring me…’cuz she does. I also have yet to find anyone with whom I can have and intelligent and not degenerative political discussion. If they agree to me more or less than it’s a good discussion but we’re both preaching to the choir. Many people who take the opposite tack tend to resort to name calling and that’s a royal pain in the butt. To an extent I’ll also talk about religion because it is such an integral part (you’ll see why later) of my life and does effect (mostly positively) my political/cultural view.
I’ll apologize now for parenthetical comments and ellipses; I tend to write how I talk. Inevitably I start talking about one thing and think of something (parenthetically) to add.

My nom de plume….let’s just say it’s derivative of both my real name and the culture in my mutt-like background that I relate to most.

The age in my profile is real.

I am a teacher at a small private school.

I am what is referred to (sometimes disparagingly) as a Social Justice Catholic (definitely more at another time).

So…my motivation is to spout my own views and on occasion empty my brain. In the event that I gain some kind of readership, I also look forward to carrying on a conversation. I don’t mind being questioned about either my faith or my politics. In fact I find that, so far, my beliefs are only strengthened when questioned by others.

So. This is my intro.

Oh! I’m also really honest. If there’s anything that you are curious about or want to know (barring that which would reveal more than is prudent for my anonymity) ask away. I’ll answer. Other wise I think I’ve answered my original questions. Manifesto up next.

The First Post

It's late. I wanted to get the blog up and running and it took way longer to find a nom de plume that I liked so.... in case you come lookin' ---I'll be adding content/details/an actual manifesto post and go from there. So, Long story short....we're under construction. Please be patient.
Thanks and smoochies.