- there was a thing I read that brought to mind nana. I hadn't seen her in person in years. I hadn't talked to her on the phone in months. On one hand I feel guilty about it. On the other, I feel that most of the time me talking to her would have confused her more and/or been difficult for her. But then I remember hearing mom say, "No, Ma, I can't come tomorrow, I'm in Seattle. No, {Mhari} can't come either, she's here with me." I means a lot that I was in her mind at least sometimes.
- I'm still full of resentment that there wasn't a funeral Mass.
- I'm tired of everyone talking about how they feel about the Newtown rampage in relation to being a parent. Eff you all. Parents don't have the market cornered on being upset about a school shooting.
- Which brings to mind...bullshit - it's always on my mind...which brings to the front of my mind. I am still working on the fact that I'm never going to be a mother. Sometimes I think I've reached a level of acceptance, and then something gutpunches me and I come unhinged. Can't spend very much time in vicinity of a baby section at a store. Had a major mental break one time because I didn't know "we" were going baby shopping for someone - hadn't prepared myself to spend effing 45 minutes in a baby store with indecisive shoppers.
- On a really really really really REALLY positive note there's J-dub. I love him. A lot. Which weirds out Sistah Dubh - I think....more that I met him online. None of the local boys stepped up. Dumbasses don't know what they missed. There's talk of cohabbing in the future (I wish it was the near future - we'll see).
- I need to get my act together and work on finding a new job (do I stay in this field? do I stay with the current organization?)
- I need to move - the level of hostility toward the idiot is almost scary.
- Is it possible that I can do this regularly - ever?
I think that's everything right now.
